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caramel & cocoa

Caramel & Cocoa - cooking, parenting, fashion, diy, eating, living, a blog

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Dear Kids - I Need a Rest

Dear Girls,

Today you are 19 & 31 months old.  I spent yesterday, like most others, taking care of you two, playing, cooking & cleaning.  I was upset when you decided to play "bathtime" and turned your juice cups over onto your heads landing onto my carpet and over your clothes. But I dealt with the situation without yelling, instead playfully calling you "silly dirty girls" and having you help me scrub the carpet. I was disappointed when you found the salt container, opened it and took turns pouring it into the sofa because you were playing "mommy chef" and pretending to "cook."  But I pulled out my hand-held vacuum and sorted it out, asking you to not do that again. I was embarrassed at the shop when you both decided to lie on the ground so you could stare at the "funny" ceiling lights. I waited patiently, coaxing you to "hurry along" as other customers shook their heads & frowned.

And so why did I not flip out? It is because I know that none of these incidents, albeit annoying, inconvenient and a bit embarrassing to the adult world were intended to hurt or upset me. It was you two, exploring, being creative, trying different things and having fun. I could not stand to yell at you because I did not want to end your smiles or crush your enthusiasm. I sadly know that life experience and age will do that for you. But for now, I will let you have fun as I show you "the ropes" and introduce you to "the rules" of life. Though I admit I will make plenty of mistakes along the way.

There was a point when I lost it. You were not aware. Last night you both went to bed as usual at 7:30. I stayed up to iron, prepare your meals and sort your clothes. I crashed at 11pm and was awoken at 2am by the both of you who decided to hop into bed with me. You argued over who would lay next to me and once we reached a happy resolution, you easily drifted off to bed. I, on the other hand tossed and turned for an hour, unable to sleep comfortably in the small space you'd left me. I felt suffocated. At around 4:15, I had had enough and angrily got out of bed with the intention of lifting you & taking you to your own beds, despite pleading or tears.

I got out of bed and using my cellphone as a flashlight, I lifted the covers to lift you. There you were, side-by-side & cheek-to-cheek, holding hands. And I again, couldn't stand to pull you apart or away from that moment. You both looked so calm and secure. And so while I did lose it, I quickly came back to reality. The reality is that, as much as I complain about lack of sleep, no personal time or space, these precious years with you are just flying by. One day you will be all grown with pressures and concerns of your own. So for now I'll just let you live life happy and safe. For now I'll just continue to sleep at the foot of the bed or on the floor.

And as I end this little letter, I just would like to ask that you please, forgive me on the days when I really do lose it and shout. I'm not perfect either.  Also, it would really help me out if you slept in your own beds. ;) love mami.

1 comment:

  1. aww, Gabs, I'm crying! At work!
    This was so sweet and honest. You are a wonderful mommy, and the fact that the girls try to imitate you and the things you do (like mommy chef) and just want to be near you, proves that you're doing something right. You are awesome. :-)