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caramel & cocoa

Caramel & Cocoa - cooking, parenting, fashion, diy, eating, living, a blog

Monday, May 12, 2014

Rantings About Career

I am still in career limbo – trying to keep one toe in the water whilst pondering whether to sod it all, stay at home, go back full-time or retrain and start working again once the kids are all in school.  I see women with plans and even more upsetting, women who are putting their plans into action, meeting goals and always one step closer to their goals. Ah well. Nevermind. What’s a mom to do? Sometimes I feel like moving to some obscure, cheap and beautiful part of the world where we can all live on next to nothing. I’d home school and we’d all be happy right?

I had a ‘work’ meeting last week. I’ve known about this meeting for a couple of weeks now. I had arranged for my mother-in-law to watch L (5 months) and C (age 3) for the 4 hours I’d be away. What I hadn’t mentally prepared for was the mad rush needed to get me to the meeting physically. Everything had to be timed and scheduled in advance and executed perfectly. My shower, shave, hair, expressing milk, packed lunch for C, packed and ready diaper bag, school drop and all the errands I wouldn’t be doing because I wouldn’t be at home. It was absolute chaos.

What I also hadn’t prepared for was ‘what to wear.’ Absolutely NOTHING fit. It wasn’t even that I could get the clothes on but my bulges were pushing through in an unattractive and unflattering way. I didn’t even have that.  I couldn’t actually get any of the clothes on despite tugging, pulling and lying on the bed and sucking it all in. A pair of maternity tights and a dress from my ‘fattest’ period barely fit. I was covered in sweat by the end and my hair – well let’s not even go there. I succeeded in getting dressed and looking half-decent.

I got to my meeting, did what I had to do. And as I was walking back to the office to sort out some documents, I felt miles away from the adult I once was or should be. I felt awkward and uncomfortable in my clothes and unsure about my professional role. I just wanted to go home, put on a pair of jeans, rub my make-up off, put my hair in a pony tail and play with the kids.  

The rest of my day involved folding clothes, playing with the kids, taking A (age 4) to her school disco and all the stuff we all do: dinner, bath, stories, bedtime  (all times 3) and tidying up the house again before sitting down for an hour before my own bedtime.

I've carved out a career plan/path that I now need to put into action. I do have a dream job. It is the one thing I've always wanted to do, aside from be a Britney back up dancer. I just need to own up to it and do it. So that's is my focus. Putting it all into action. Oh yeah, and I need to control my weight, but that a whole other saga. 

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